I totally am. Don’t go getting all excited, I am not trying to call anyone out. Heck, do you think it is fun for me to admit that I am one of “those” people? The kind that gets bit by the green-eyed monster. Although, if we were all honest with ourselves, it is something we all struggle with from time to time. Why do I bring this up now? Because it has been holding me back from being “all I can be” for lack of a better phrase, and I am hoping by sharing my experience with all of you, it may help you to not make the same mistake as well.
Don’t get me wrong, I am more than capable of being happy for someone else and giving credit where credit is due. I know some incredibly talented, smart and caring bloggers who have earned every bit of success they have gained. That being said, when I see a great opp, trip or experience just pass me by, it can get under my skin. I start second guessing myself. Why do I not have more comments on my blog? Does everyone hate me? Why can’t my stats be as high? What do I have to do to get companies to notice me? See, I am a bit of a perfectionist and the hardest part about blogging for me has been to realize that there will always be someone better than me. That is true for all of us, unless we are rocking it out like the Bloggess or Dooce. Since I do not have a collection of taxidermied animals, I am guessing I will never rock that hard, but it is something to aspire to.
With this self doubt and jealousy comes a lack of drive. Instead of letting this fuel me forward, I let it hold me back and all but gave up. Then, something amazing happened. I began to let go of that little voice inside me that said I needed to be perfect, that said I needed to measure up to someone else, and I got back to blogging because it was fun. I decided that I would get back to doing what I love to do and the hell with anything else. Do I still feel a twinge of jealousy from time to time? Sure I do, but it comes with a side of gratitude to be doing what I am doing and the ability to be genuinely happy for someone else as well.
By the way, it takes a long long time to climb back out of a rut just to get to the point where you were before you started self loathing, so I suggest you skip that part and get right to the rainbow pooping unicorn ending. Okay?