Finding the Me in Being a Mom

I have been a mom for 12 years. I have been a mom since I was a teenager. I have dreamed of being a mom my entire life. Now that the boys are getting older and my youngest is almost 7 (cry), I am finding it hard to know what to do with myself. It is like empty nest syndrome, but without the empty nest. My arms are empty though. No more sleeping babies to rock, no more afternoon cuddles. Unless I can hogtie one of them long enough to steal a hug or kiss on the cheek, there are no more cuddles for me.

So where is the me in being a mom? She has been lost somewhere all these years. Thrown into the background so that I could give every drop of attention to new baby after new baby. Now the babies are gone though and little men are taking their place. They still need me, but more in a “Hey, can I have $10 way.”


I have taken steps recently to get “me” back. I have taken more pride in my appearance. Now, if I don’t have makeup on each morning I feel naked. There is an interest in fashion and clothes that wasn’t there before, but part of me still feels lost. I am thinking of taking up some activities and finding out what I am interested in. Unfortunately, having children so early on pretty much made me friendless, at least locally. I have tons of online friends that I get to see a few times a year, but no one locally because I never got to build that platform of friends before having children.

Now is the time to discover who I really am and what I really want out of the rest of my life. After all, there is life after babies, or so I am trying to tell myself. Are your babies getting older? How are you dealing with finding yourself again now that they need you less?

18 Comments

  1. When the kids went to college is kinda when I had to look at myself and say, "girl…really?" I'm so glad you have this new sparkle!

  2. Life is about change… and it sounds like you are ready for a bit of one. Not drastic mind you but now the kids are older maybe set up some date nights, or some 'me time and get out and do a few things you have wanted to do. It doesnt need to be elaborate at all!

  3. As I type one-handed with a newborn nursing I can't imagine the more self-sufficient days. 🙂 They will be here before I know it though!

  4. I've been doing the same thing. I think if I could get down to my pre-pregnancy weight (9+ years later)I would feel much better about the way I look.

  5. Now that my daughters are almost 8 and 2 I have been taking more time for myself. I went shopping the other day, bought new make-up just because and bought new hair products. I made the change to wear the new clothes I bought and now I just have to remember that I do have more time now so I can wear make-up and do my hair and have more ME in my life.

  6. I agree with you! I just started finally taking me time this past summer and now I know how to get out and enjoy myself without feeling guilty

  7. I've only just "begun" life as a parent (of a 2 year old). I had me time for a month when my parents (and four sisters) wanted to spend time with my daughter (since they live 2,000 miles away) and my husband had to go training in the mountains for a month I literally wandered around aimlessly wondering what to do with myself. I could stay up late, leave to wherever and I went shopping, but at times felt "empty". But then life came crashing to reality when they both came back hahaha, and now I need a break again!

  8. I kind of feel like I'm on the other side of this… Trying to deal with losing myself and being ok with that now that I have two young boys. I can definitely see being in your shoes down the line. Seems like you're doing a great job of coming into your own. You're so cool. I love that we met. I love your perspective. Thanks for making me think and see that there's a light at the end of the tunnel 🙂

  9. You have such a great relationship with your daughter Liz, I hope one of the boys sticks around for me when they are older.

    Michelle, breaks are nice. I still don't really get those, but I just get pestered in a different sort of way now LOL. Mainly when they are arguing with each other.

    Erika, I could not have asked for a better roomie at BlogHer that year. I too am glad we got the chance to meet. You are one of the sweetest and most dedicated mamas I know.

  10. What a wonderful post! Since all three of my kids are now in school all day I can totally relate. I have found blogging to be a wonderful outlet as well as an exercise routine. It's a great way to take care of me!

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