This post is sponsored by Kellogg’s.
One conversation I have always dreaded having to have as the mom of four boys is the dreaded “birds and the bees” talk. The funny thing is, with kids, you never know how the subject is going to come up. You can be innocently driving down the street and out of the blue, the kids want to know where babies come from, or it can come at a more obvious time, like when you are expecting a new addition to the family. To prove my point, check out this cute video from Kellogg’s.
Could that be more accurate? Well,that video got me thinking, that there must be tons of parents out there with hilarious stories about having this same conversation with their children, or who remember their parent’s responses to them when they were little and ask. So, I asked around and I got a couple of hilarious stories I wanted to share with you all.
Excerpted from an original essay by Katy McCaffrey published on Great Moments in Parenting
Be careful with your body,” I would tell my daughter whenever she was doing something potentially dangerous. “I made it from scratch.” The thought always intrigued her and eventually she asked what it meant. “You were an egg in my tummy and I cooked you for nine months until you came out perfect. Just like cake.” She liked the idea that she was like homemade cake, or she just liked thinking about cake. Either way, that’s all the information she needed.
After a while though, she had another question: “What did Daddy do?” In other company my response probably would have been along the lines of “Nothing” or “Complain a lot” or “Took it like a man,” but for my sweet little girl I explained that Daddy gave me the ingredients. “Everything but the eggs; I already had those.
One time at a playdate. We were invited for tea and they actually meant it. There was orange blossom tea and little plates filled with cucumbers, scones and goldfish. It was a proper ladies’ afternoon, so the question took me a bit off guard. But, expert that I was, I collected myself, gave a reassuring I got this look to her mom, and laid out the cake speech.
But this time the kid had some follow-up questions.
Little Girl: “Where do dads get the ingredients?”Me: “They have them already. Like how moms already have the eggs, dadsalready have the other ingredients.”Little Girl: “Do you have to crack the eggs before you mix them with theother ingredients?”Me: “No, they don’t have a hard shell so they’re just good to go.”Little Girl: “So the dad brings the mom the ingredients and she swallowsthem and mixes them with the eggs and makes a baby.”Little Girl’s mom: “No honey, we don’t swallow. Ever.”
And that was the last time I told the story of “how babies are made” to someone else’s child.
Contributed by Chris Heinz from CSHeinz.com
I come from a family of three boys-my twin brother, younger brother, and me.. When we were all less than ten years old, we were all eating lunch together at a restaurant. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but all of a sudden, my brother changed the conversation. He looked at my parents and asked, “Did you plan out when you were going to conceive us?”
My parents stared back with fright in their eyes.
But my brother went on, “And did you use foreplay?”
Contributed by Sandy Webster
My nephew, Jamir, is an only child. When he was about 5 years old, he started noticing that some of his friends had siblings. He came home and asked his mother for a baby brother or sister and she told him that he was so special that they decided he would be an only child. After he kept asking, she realized he wouldn’t stop and she had to give him an answer that he would understand. So next time he asked, she said “I didn’t want to say this, Jamir, but they are just too expensive for mommy and daddy so we could only afford one. And anyway, they come from another country and need a passport to get here.” He understood that and did not bring it up for quite some time.
Our family tradition is to go through the Black Friday circulars to see what is on sale. Imagine our surprise when he started shouting and grabbed the circular running to his mother. “See Mom, we can afford this baby. They have them here on sale at Walmart for $1.99!” He was showing her the Barbie Dolls in the toy section. I don’t think he even knew the price, but that’s what he always heard his mother said. He is now 19 years old, and whenever he needs anything, we tell him to wait until it’s on sale at Walmart for $1.99.
Contributed by Suzanne Ballantyne
I remember my son asking me “How does your body know it’s married?” This in response to couples having babies; they all seemed to be married and he was wondering how that part of it worked…
Another time when I was expecting my second child, my older daughter walked up to me in the bedroom. I was sitting on the edge of my bed in bra and pants, huge belly with no top on yet; she brought her hands forward in a prayer like mudra and as she pulled her palms away from each other as if to mimick doors opening, she asked “is your belly going to just open up for Jac to come out?
Lastly – a friend of mine was explaining to her 5 year old about how the man plants a seed in the woman in order for a baby to start to grow. After some silence, her son asked: “where does the seed come from?” A little taken by surprise, my friend just answered very candidly, “the penis” – to which her child responded by throwing himself on the kitchen floor in gales of laughter thinking she was trying to be funny.