No, I am not talking about my keys. I lose those everyday without help from anyone else. I’m not referring to my marbles either, I fear I lost those many years ago when the boys first learned that arguing with each other was their favorite activity. I am talking about something a little more important, something that many people struggle to clarify their whole lives. My identity. I realized a few days ago that I have totally lost mine somewhere along the road. Perhaps I never developed one at all….
I am Rosalie’s daughter, the Bunn boy’s mom, Matt’s girlfriend, but I can’t tell you the last time I heard someone actually say my name. Kathleen. That is who I used to be, before years of motherhood, marriage, divorce and a million other paths this life has led me through. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and my beautiful boys, but I no longer have an identity. The closest thing I have to one is my blog and even that defines me by a name other than my own.
When I made the decision five years ago to become a work at home mom, I knew I was giving up adult contact and conversation, but it was all worth the reward of staying home with my youngest. It still is worth those sacrifices, but most days I no longer have a clue who I am. Getting married at 17 and becoming a mom at 18, I am not sure I ever had the opportunity to develop an identity with a clear sense of who I really am.
Someone asked me the other day what my hobbies were and you know what? Other than blogging, I couldn’t name a single one. I have things that I do each day, but they revolve around what the boys like to do or want to do. I have no hobbies lol.
So ladies, who is with me? Have you lost your identity in the sea of motherhood and wifedom as well? I plan on reclaiming mine this year. By the end of the year, I hope to be able to write a much different post. Just because I am a mother doesn’t mean I can’t have an identity and it is time I reclaimed mine. Anyone want to join me?