Memories Lost

Today I am going to be a little personal with you. In light of the recent events in the news, it got me thinking. How will the people who witnessed these things deal with them? How will these little children get through and function with these nightmares in their heads? Then I realized, that many people have dealt with horrible things in their lives, myself included. Mine was not so much one horrific event or even on the level of what those recently have experienced, it was more of an ongoing series of traumatic events that led me to forget.

That’s right. I forgot. I remember only bits and pieces from those few years. Specifics about when my oldest boys were a babies are long forgotten. Joshua’s first words, Jayden’s favorite toy, and perhaps the most hurtful, Jordan’s birth are completely wiped from my memory. I remember being pregnant with Jordan and I can recall vague memories from when he was little, but the actual birth which was natural and unmedicated is completely gone. Fortunately, so are most of the horrible memories from that time, but they took the good ones with them.


 Sometimes I think I would give anything to have those memories back. To remember the time that we as moms always try to cling to. Those precious early years, but then I think of the consequences. If I remember the good, the bad is likely to come flooding back as well and surely there was a reason my mind tried to shield me from it. Again, I think. What memories will these little children lose as their minds try to block out these recent events? Sometimes forgetting isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

13 Comments

  1. I'm sorry Kathleen. I obviously don't know your past but sometimes our brain does what it can to help shield us from further hurt and agony. Just hold tight to the memories you have and make new ones along the way.

  2. I just want to give you a great big hug. I was sitting in bed the other day thinking how Jake just turned 16 and it crushed my heart. I try remembering him when he was younger and I do remember some, but other things I've forgotten. It's an awful feeling. I just try to make new memories to hold on to. *hugs*

  3. I often try to remember those really horrible days when my oldest son's autism was at its worse, but although I know they were terrible, I don't always remember just how bad. I think that is OK>

  4. There are things I suspect I've blocked out too and I know therapy would probably bring it to light, but you know what? I just don't want to open that can of whatever's inside.

  5. I'm so sorry.. I hope you can remember those great times while still keeping the traumatic ones distant

  6. why did you forget them? because you wanted to or because your memeory is fading. I've been having horrible memory issues the last few years and I really wish the brain fog would clear it makes me sad

  7. I think the mind knows what we can and cannot handle. I hope for these kids they are able to forget but remember the good times. That is a lot to ask of a child however.

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