Becoming a new parent is like being thrust into boot camp. You are immediately dealing with feats you never though possible. You have to graduate that boot camp program just to earn your degree and become a full fledged parent. How do you do that? Well, let me just say, you are not really a parent until…
-You have had every shirt you own covered in every bodily fluid known to man.
-You have had an entire store full of people stop and stare at you and your child, who is screaming their head off because they want a cookie.
– You have stepped on a Matchbox car, Barbie heel or any other small toy and proceeded to teach your child a few new colorful words.
– You have been embarrassed by something your child has said or repeated in public.
– You have had to devise a makeshift diaper or shorts out of toilet paper, paper towels and band aids because you forgot to bring extras with you.
– You have bribed your child with candy, money or a toy if they would just be quiet for two seconds.
– You have repeated every phrase your parents said to you and you swore you would never say to your children.
– You have cleaned your child’s artwork off the walls in several different mediums. Crayons, markers, poop.
– You have been brought a “surprise” only to find out it is a dead animal or a live bug.
– You have heard the words “You are the worst parent ever.” By the way, these words usually are spoken when you are trying to be the best parent ever and act responsibly.
– You have felt your heart being ripped out because your baby is finally going off to school.
Have any other requirements recruits have to fulfill before becoming full fledged battle wounded parents? Feel free to drop them in the comments below!